Application
Jun. 8th, 2012 10:43 pmOOC:
Name: Zia
Are you over 16?: physically yes, I can't guarantee anything mentally
Personal DW:![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rainbowlasers
Email: ziakuroku@gmail.com
Timezone: EST
Other contact: AIM: ChibiZia
Characters already in the game: babby!Uchiha Sasuke
How did you find us?: how do I quit you is the real question, here.
IC:
Character name: Steve Rogers / CAPTAIN AMERICA
Fandom: Marvel's Cinematic Universe
Timeline: Post The Avengers movie
Age: approx. 25 (...+70 years spent as a capsicle, so, uh, chronologically 95????)
~*Magical*~ abilities and strengths: Thanks to a MAGICAL SERUM of MAGIC (...also science), Steve is at the peak of human capacity! That means his strength, speed, stamina, senses, agility, reflexes, durability, mental process (still not a Stark/Banner level genius, though, because that is entirely different) and healing are about as awesome as they can possibly go in a human being.
Because this is a superhero movie, how far the human body can go can be interpreted by "whatever looks coolest at the time". Except for his AWESOME TOP PHYSICAL CONDITION, Cap's also a master combatant (thank you war), an immense badass with a shield (... thank you... war???), a great tactician/strategist (have I thanked the war yet), he's able to be SUPER SNEAKY even though he's ridiculously tall and buff, he can pretty much drive/pilot anything (...that dates from the 1940s), he's great with a gun (oh my god he's a soldier, we get it, zia) and he can draw pretty good too.
That last one is not thanks to the war, hurray. Look basically Captain America is a Super Soldier, what more do you want from me.
How would they use their abilities?: TO PROTECT TRUTH, LIBERTY, JUSTICE AND THE AMERICAN WAY! and beat up bullies
You know basic heroic bullshit.
Appearance: Steve Rogerslooks like chris evans is blond, blue-eyed, and extremely tall and buff. He's six feet tall and probably weighs like a million pounds of PURE MUSCLE about 200 lbs... OF PURE MUSCLES!! He has a superhero outfit for Captain America that is dark blue with the fucking American flag on it, and an ugly helmet/mask. It looks absolutely ridiculous.
When he isn't wearing that ridiculous...ly inspiring outfit though, Captain America likes to sit back and wear shirts way too tight for his chest, because I guess he still shops in the small men section.
Background/Personality: Once upon a time there was a dwarf, oh my god I'm sorry that's just a really small and puny guy, wow, Steve Rogers needs a sandwich.
Wait let's start over.
Steve Rogers was born July 4th 1918 yes his birthday is literally THE FOURTH OF JULY, i just can't with this kid in Brooklyn, New York. Because superheroes in the marvelverse can only ever be born in New York. His dad was a soldier in the first world war and then died. His mom then got sick and then she died. That's great, because otherwise the SENT 70 YEARS IN THE FUTURE part of this story would be even more depressing than it already is. Before WW2, Steve was an artist! This is because with his extensive health history (read as: RIDDLED WITH DISEASES), we're all shocked he was even allowed outside, so there is absolutely no way anyone was going to make him do any kind of physical work. Also, you know, he liked to draw.
But then world war 2 started! ... For the US, because the rest of the world had been there a while, thank you for nothing-- anyway. Point being, Steve decided to JOIN THE ARMY. At this time, Steve was like 5'2, 100 pounds when soaking wet, and his medical record was so long it's a wonder he hadn't died by sneezing yet. So he was told to stay home and feed the kids. He was told to stay home and feed the kids four times, because Steve was serious about joining the army, so he falsified his records a bunch of times in the vague hope that one day someone would look at him and not want to feed him a sandwich. It was not to be so. Even when his bestest buddy Bucky got enlisted, Steve remained woeful and unable to help. Bucky told him to give it up, a strong gust would knock him over anyway. But Steve told him there were men laying down their lives for this country, and he had no right to do any less!
Because having this kind of conversation in public is a thing, an Allied German scientist by the name of Abraham Erskine overheard and decided Steve was perfect for his pet project. The project was called... dun dun dun... "Project: Rebirth".
No one in this movie is winning any award for creativity. You will see what I mean later.
So Steve got to join a special branch of the army and undergo MILITARY TRAINING. While Steve is kind of terrible at the physical parts (100 pounds when soaking wet, people), he proves to be brave and willing to lay his life for people when someone throws a (dud) grenade in the middle of training and Steve throws himself on top of it. He also shows himself to be pretty smart, because he is the only one who figures out the best way to get a flag down from a pole: bring the fucking pole down, people. It is like the scene in Mulan with the arrow, only there is no cool montage music. IN THE END, Steve is chosen as the perfect first candidate for Erskine's project. Also he has on and off chemistry with the English officer Peggy Carter, but that's only another depressing part of this movie.
Steve gets thrown into a machine of Erskine's and Howard Stark's (father of Tony Stark, who would later become fucking Iron Man, do I need to say more) design, pumped full of magical serum and then when he got out he was 6 foot tall and super buff.
I don't know
how he became
taller.
Anyway, while Steve is now made of superpowers, some douchebag from NAZI GERMANY who had infiltrated the demonstration of Steve's before/after makeover kills Dr Erskine. Steve is a sad muscled bunny in snow. He runs after the guy and does a bunch of completely ridiculous feats, like KEEP UP WITH A CAR BY RUNNING?? And defend civilians/himself with a taxi door as if it is a shield. It is all very ridiculous. He gets to the guy, the guy kills himself via cyanide pill, but hey! They got a nice incredibly unlikely to exist in the 1940s submarine and a note that there's a subpart of nazi germany named "Hydra" who did this out of it!
Oh yeah also Steve is told fuck you you don't get to join the army because I says so. But then he gets a promotion to CAPTAIN (by like a senator or some shit, US politics what do I know about you, nothing)!
Then he is used for propaganda and travels the US while dressed like an absolute moron. He is called Captain America, and the kids love him! He tours all over America with scantily dressed girls while fake punching a fake Hitler! He sells a shitload of bonds! He
hates
this job.
Then he is paraded to the armed forces in Europe, where he is met with the most deadpan of crowds and he learns that Bucky AND his troops have been either killed or kidnapped by THOSE DIRTY GERMANS.
And so like any sane person, Steve convinces Peggy to bring him close enough to the base they know Bucky & co were taken. She and Howard Stark bring him there because they are also insane and think he is going to succeed?
But then he does and comes back with like a bajillion soldiers who were all stuck there. Also while on that trip he met the leader of Hydra, the RED SKULL.
His face looks like a red skull.
There is no creativity. None.
Anyway, Steve gains RESPECT! He uses this respect to get himself a cool shield made (thanks Stark). This one has the capacity to rebound all energy, because science fiction material fuck you. He also uses this respect (and the intel he gathered while blowing up that Hydra's base, ha ha) to handpick a few trustworthy soldiers and uses them to blow up all of Hydra's bases. Red Skull is like CURSE YOU, CAPTAIN AMERICA while this is going on. And keeps killing his own soldiers. How does that guy have any followers, I do not know.
BUT THEN. BUCKY DIES A DISNEY DEATH (he fell) TO SAVE CAPTAIN AMERICA IN ONE OF THEIR MISSIONS.
Steve Rogers learns he can't get drunk thanks to his metabolism, and so goes fuck you okay he can't even mourn his best friend PEGGY WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK, WHAT THE FUCK IS FONDUE.
That was a joke so I'm not explaining it.
Anyway, blablabla skip to the LAST BATTLE AGAINST HYDRA. Steve's last struggle against Red Skull happens IN THE SKY, because why the fuck not. The plane is fucked up beyond belief during their fight, and then Red Skull dies/disappears?? by picking up the Tesseract, a mysterious powerful artifact allegedly forged by the Asgardians. Asgardians being a race of aliens who inspired the Norse Gods. Anyway, he had been using it to make INCREDIBLY POWERFUL WEAPONS. So it is hilarious that he got blown up/spirited away by it. Of course, not all is well that ends well: Steve is stuck in an airplane with bombs going straight to New York that he can't stop! So Steve crash-lands the jet into Antarctica before it could destroy cities around the world, which leaves him a capsicle for 70 years.
During the crash he'd agreed to a date with Peggy one week from then. I THINK HE MISSED THAT DATE. Everything is depressing.
Anyway, 70 years after his crash-landing in the frozen depths of seriously, Steve, aim for the ocean next time you dumb fuck, Captain America wakes up in an area that looks exactly like the 1940s. Steve sees through it because the radio was playing a recording of a baseball game he had actually been in the stands for two years prior to him being flashfrozen. God, do your research, assholes. Anyway, Steve runs out in a rage/panic and gets out in MODERN NEW YORK.
His face is exactly the face of someone who has no idea whatsoever what's going on.
Steve is then met in the streets of Manhattan by Nick Fury, the head of SHIELD, a secret government organization that takes care of minor things like world crisis and superheroes. Fury tells him they'd wanted to break it to him slowly. They found him frozen and defrosted him, but he's been sleeping for SEVENTY YEARS.
Steve's only reaction is to go "I had a date", because Steve Rogers is super good at addressing his feelings, guys.
(No, he isn't, why do you think I am apping him.)
ABOUT A WEEK LATER, Steve is sad and full of feelings and destroying punching bags as an hilarious sight gag in the middle of the night when Fury comes to see him again with a mission. Steve assumes Fury wants to ease him back into the world; Fury's goal is instead to save it.
It turns out some asshole named Loki stole the Tesseract (which SHIELD retrieved around the same time as they got Steve out since they were hanging around the same space)! Steve's reaction to hearing this is "yeah you probably should've left that at the bottom of the ocean :|". Anyway, Fury needs him and some others to retrieve it before Loki does good on his promise to declare war against humanity. Steve goes along with the mission because he is Captain America, that is jut what he does.
Steve is debriefed by another agent of SHIELD's while on his way to their headquarters; Agent Phil Coulson, who turns out to be a big fan of Captain America. In what is possibly the most hilarious scene ever, Coulson admits to having watched Steve sleep, and keeps putting his foot in his mouth. Steve takes it all pretty well though, even seems amused by it. He also learns about The Hulk; a scientist named Bruce Banner tried to replicate the effects of the super soldier serum Steve took and kind of fucked it up, instead he becomes a giant green rage monster sometimes. CLOSE ENOUGH. Bruce Banner is first and foremost a scientist and going to be on the team for mission: Loki Is An Asshole though, so, there we go.
Steve is unsure whether he is fit to lead their ragtag team, but Coulson assures him he is. And then asks for him to autograph his hilarious collection of Captain America trading cards when he has the time. Steve goes ok sure, and I weep tears because this is going to end up depressing again oh no.
Steve also learns that he gets to wear a modified version of his old uniform, since the stars and stripesare ridiculous seem a bit old-fashioned. Coulson tells him they might need a bit of old-fashioned right now.
They get to the SHIELD headquarters (well, new headquarters, the old one got blown up earlier by Loki): an helicarrier. It can only be described as a motherfucking city sized helicopter. There he gets to meet both Bruce Banner (aforementioned Hulk) and Natasha Romanoff, SHIELD agent and general super spy who goes by the name of Black Widow. She is intense.
Fury tells Steve that Loki was spotted in Germany, to which Steve responds by suiting up and leaving with Natasha to put a cap in that guy's ass.
GET IT.
A CAP.
Moving on. Steve arrives just in time to stop Loki from blasting an innocent old man who just really doesn't like kneeling in front of assholes. Steve goes "hey so you know what last time I met an asshole in Germany who wanted to rule over people we ended up disagreeing" and Loki then proceeds to prove that having magic powers is cheating. Steve still lasts long enough for Tony Stark, genius playboy millionaire philanthropist, aka Iron Man and also kind of a giant asshole, to arrive on the scene and point one of his cannons at Loki before telling him to surrender if he doesn't want to be dog chow. Loki surrenders.
Having a giant armor that can fly and shoot rockets is also cheating.
While they're en route back to the Helicarrier, Steve tells Tony that Loki surrendered way too easily. Tony is like PSHAAWWWWWW I AM JUST THAT AWESOME. Meanwhile, a storm starts to brew in the sky, and Loki seems at unease because of the lightning. Steve asks the douchegod if he's scared of a little lightning? Loki says he is not fond of what comes AFTER the lightning.
CUE: THOR, GOD OF THUNDER, NAMER OF THIS SHIP and Loki's brother. Meaning he is also an Asgardian. whee, aliens.
Thor goes in, grabs Loki, and goes out! Tony follows while totally ignoring Steve's WE SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE AN ATTACK PLAN, because Tony is kind of a douchebag like that. Steve follows them, ignoring Natasha's warning that these guys are kind of gods, and he would be better off staying in. Steve just says that there is only one God and he doesn't dress like that before stepping out.
Steve is old-fashioned to the max.
Steve arrives in the middle of the Thor vs Tony fight (Loki is stuck on a mountain and kind of cheering for both to kill each other) and gets in between them with his shield and tries to use REASON to make both parties see they shouldn't be fighting each other in the first place. (I mean, everyone's against Loki.) It turns out reason is NOT EFFECTIVE AT ALL, and Thor doesn't take kindly to being told to put down his precious hammer. He brings it down on Cap's head.
LUCKILY, CAP HAS A MAGICAL (scientific) SHIELD! The reverberation kind of flatten the forest though. The three geniuses (SARCASM!!!!) look at the damage to the countryside and decide that they should probably stop fighting now.
They thus escort Loki to the helicarrier, where he proceeds to make rape faces at Bruce Banner before being locked into a steel cage made to be able to contain the Hulk. After watching Fury have a talk with Loki, Steve is more convinced than ever that Loki is hiding something and he allowed himself to be captured. Thor explains that Loki allied himself with an alien race called the Chitauri who are going to help him conquer and rule over Earth in exchange for the Tesseract. As everyone else tries to to figure out what the fuck Loki's deal is, Tony makes his entrance on the bridge and babbles scientific terms that confuses everyone but Banner. In normal people terms, though: Loki needs a stable power source to make the portal work. Because the Tesseract is a portal? Apparently.
Anyway, Fury tells Tony to stop being a snark machine and go work with Bruce to locate the Tesseract. Steve walks in on them working together, or rather on Tony being a dick and trying to make Banner "Hulk out". Steve calls him out on it, Banner says it's fine, Tony keeps snarking, they argue, and then both scientists admit they think Fury is hiding something. Steve starts having doubts himself, and goes to INVESTIGATE. He finds out SHIELD wants to use the Tesseract to create WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION (or, okay, mostly weapons), just like Hydra did back in the day. Steve is not amused.
Natasha went to see Bruce after finding out through SPY METHODS that Loki planned to use him somehow; unfortunately she got there at the same time as every one was exploding in feelings of EVERYONE ON THIS PLANE IS AN ASSHOLE. Steve calls out Fury, Tony calls out Fury, Fury calls out Thor, Steve and Tony start to argue, Banner calls out everyone, Natasha says they're all morons, Thor is like fuck humans, and it turns out Loki is kind of heightening emotions at a distance with his magic staff locked in the same room as the asshole party. They're all suddenly distracted when they see that the Science Bros (Tony and Bruce) have located the Tesseract!
It is aboard the ship that just shot at them, haha, woops.
Tony and Steve stop their inane bickering immediately, going to suit up to work together to fix the damage on the helicarrier/fight the people who are boarding them like sky pirates, what the fuck. (Meanwhile, Natasha is having a bad day while fighting the Hulk until Thor arrives, and then she sees Clint Barton aka Hawkeye, a SHIELD agent Loki had managed to turn evil with his magic staff, and proceeds to kick him in the face until he stops being evil.)
The Hulk and Thor get thrown off the ship, Coulson dies fighting Loki, and in general EVERYTHING SUCKS. Fury tells them on top of dying Coulson was carrying his special Captain America cards and they are now full of blood, would you look at that. Then he tells them about the Avengers Initiative, and how it was supposed to be about a group of talented people banding together to save the day. Coulson died believing in that idea.
Tony has feelings about this. Steve and Tony get to talking ("Is this the first time you lost a soldier?"-Steve "We're NOT soldiers!"-Tony) and after deciding that they are going to keep fighting, though not for Fury because fuck that guy, Tony realizes exactly where Loki is hiding. Steve grabs Natasha and Hawkeye, who are all for kicking ass and taking names especially if it's Loki. They hijack a ship and leave!
Thor rejoins them at some point while there is an alien invasion in New York because why would it not be in New York. Tony opens the floor for Steve to strategize and they all get to work on destroying aliens. But then a GIANT ASS ALIEN comes out and they're all like "oh crap" and then Bruce comes back in a ridiculous scooter and Tony is like oh hey tell him to suit up too and Steve is like :? and Bruce is like yeah I can hulk out whenever PSYCHE ASSHOLES and they get to smashing.
Steve gets to save a bunch of civilians' life as he fights aliens.
BLABLABLA, EVERYONE IS AWESOME FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT, LOKI GETS HIS ASS KICKED ON MULTIPLE LEVELS, then they throw a nuke at new york because fuck you, government, TONY GRABS THE NUKE AND SENDS IT OFF AT THE ALIEN PORTAL, NATASHA CLOSES IT BECAUSE SHE IS BOSS LIKE THAT, AND THEN TONY IS LIKE, DEAD, BUT THEN THE HULK IS LIKE F U NO AND SO TONY ISN'T DEAD, AND HE JUST WANTS TO GET SHAWARMA, GUYS, GOD, LET'S JUST GET SHAWARMA.
Everyone is happy and they won o3o!!!
(They do go get Shawarma.)
In the end the Avengers go their own ways, Thor back to his home world with Loki in a muzzle (ahahaha), Captain America on his motorcycle, Bruce and Tony riding off in the sunset, Natasha and Clint just like whatever yo, but if the world needs them...
Captain America only has to say two words.
Avengers: Assemble.
~FIN~
oh my god am i done yet no? okay
STEVE ROGERS is noble and honest and doesn't like injustice and abuse of power. He is kind and courageous and ~inspiring~, and to be perfectly honest he can kind of be Preachy McPreachPreach. But there you go: Steve Rogers is all noble deeds and strong beliefs, with a bit of goofy and shy still leftover from his pre-awesome body days. Steve is a selfless and prone to self-effacing himself, kind of generally quiet. Whiiiich is part of why he didn't get along with Tony at first, they are like polar opposites in some ways. Steve Rogers has IDEALS and BELIEFS and is kind of pigheaded about them sometimes. Like I said: preachy mcpreachpreach. But overall he is a kind and courageous guy who wants to protect the defenceless, so his heart is in the right place.
That doesn't make him any less capable of assholery, though. Also he kind of sucks at addressing feelings. MAN FROM THE 1940s AND ALL. Ha ha. Ha.
fuck me and my character types
Have you read up on how the game works?: Steve is going to be confused by the FlamingFerret and the guide in general, but refuse to mooch off of Stark or steal, so he is going to GET A JOB. And/or sell his body on the streets. I mean, what? What. What.
1st person sample: [the feed starting only serves to startle Steve, because he sucks like that]
Is it on?
[steve plz
he coughs a bit and then takes a deep breath, trying to look SERIOUS and PROFESSIONAL and not at all overwhelmed nope not him nope]
My name is Captain Steve Rogers, US Armed Forces. [...does anyone know the us welp it's not like Steve can be the only one from Earth left that would bedepressing mildly unlikely, so, whatever.] I've been told... [no, wait, fuck that, he doesn't really believe it, so:] If anyone else is here from Earth, I'd appreciate if you could fill me in as to exactly what happened.
[there. that's subtle enough that people won't think he doesn't believe it, so if they are like prisoners or something it'll be ... more... subtle god what is his life]
Other than that, if anyone ever requires assistance in any way-- feel free to call on me.
[that should be fine, right? ... he probably should've planned a speech before trying to figure out how this thing worked. oh well
god fucking damn it how does this thing close
the feed stops after like five minutes of Steve playing with buttons.
FUCK YOU, TECHNOLOGY!!!]
3rd person sample: Steve has got to stop falling asleep.
His first thought when he woke up on this ship was that he'd been frozen again, only this time for a much longer amount of time. But then it turned out that it was worse than that: he was in space, under the excuse that Earth had been 'destroyed'.
Steve has some trouble believing that, mostly because he thinks he would've at least woken up if something that drastic happened. He's slept through enough fighting those seventy years he was frozen; it's unthinkable that he'd sleep through more. On top of that, Earth has other guardians now. People Steve has met and trusts, just as much as he'd trusted--
Well. Steve just hopes they aren't dead, too.
Earth gone or not, Steve knows he's here for a reason. For that reason, he's glad he has the Captain America suit and shield with him.
Whether some worlds have been destroyed, or aliens have decided on mass kidnapping, Steve knows only one thing: it doesn't matter where he is, or who the others are. Steve Rogers is going to save (help, if it comes to that) each and every last one of them.
Questions?: Why would anyone let a Canadian app Captain America???
Did you put your characters name and fandom in the subject: yes.
Name: Zia
Are you over 16?: physically yes, I can't guarantee anything mentally
Personal DW:
rainbowlasersEmail: ziakuroku@gmail.com
Timezone: EST
Other contact: AIM: ChibiZia
Characters already in the game: babby!Uchiha Sasuke
How did you find us?: how do I quit you is the real question, here.
IC:
Character name: Steve Rogers / CAPTAIN AMERICA
Fandom: Marvel's Cinematic Universe
Timeline: Post The Avengers movie
Age: approx. 25 (...+70 years spent as a capsicle, so, uh, chronologically 95????)
~*Magical*~ abilities and strengths: Thanks to a MAGICAL SERUM of MAGIC (...also science), Steve is at the peak of human capacity! That means his strength, speed, stamina, senses, agility, reflexes, durability, mental process (still not a Stark/Banner level genius, though, because that is entirely different) and healing are about as awesome as they can possibly go in a human being.
Because this is a superhero movie, how far the human body can go can be interpreted by "whatever looks coolest at the time". Except for his AWESOME TOP PHYSICAL CONDITION, Cap's also a master combatant (thank you war), an immense badass with a shield (... thank you... war???), a great tactician/strategist (have I thanked the war yet), he's able to be SUPER SNEAKY even though he's ridiculously tall and buff, he can pretty much drive/pilot anything (...that dates from the 1940s), he's great with a gun (oh my god he's a soldier, we get it, zia) and he can draw pretty good too.
That last one is not thanks to the war, hurray. Look basically Captain America is a Super Soldier, what more do you want from me.
How would they use their abilities?: TO PROTECT TRUTH, LIBERTY, JUSTICE AND THE AMERICAN WAY! and beat up bullies
You know basic heroic bullshit.
Appearance: Steve Rogers
When he isn't wearing that ridiculous...ly inspiring outfit though, Captain America likes to sit back and wear shirts way too tight for his chest, because I guess he still shops in the small men section.
Background/Personality: Once upon a time there was a dwarf, oh my god I'm sorry that's just a really small and puny guy, wow, Steve Rogers needs a sandwich.
Wait let's start over.
Steve Rogers was born July 4th 1918 yes his birthday is literally THE FOURTH OF JULY, i just can't with this kid in Brooklyn, New York. Because superheroes in the marvelverse can only ever be born in New York. His dad was a soldier in the first world war and then died. His mom then got sick and then she died. That's great, because otherwise the SENT 70 YEARS IN THE FUTURE part of this story would be even more depressing than it already is. Before WW2, Steve was an artist! This is because with his extensive health history (read as: RIDDLED WITH DISEASES), we're all shocked he was even allowed outside, so there is absolutely no way anyone was going to make him do any kind of physical work. Also, you know, he liked to draw.
But then world war 2 started! ... For the US, because the rest of the world had been there a while, thank you for nothing-- anyway. Point being, Steve decided to JOIN THE ARMY. At this time, Steve was like 5'2, 100 pounds when soaking wet, and his medical record was so long it's a wonder he hadn't died by sneezing yet. So he was told to stay home and feed the kids. He was told to stay home and feed the kids four times, because Steve was serious about joining the army, so he falsified his records a bunch of times in the vague hope that one day someone would look at him and not want to feed him a sandwich. It was not to be so. Even when his bestest buddy Bucky got enlisted, Steve remained woeful and unable to help. Bucky told him to give it up, a strong gust would knock him over anyway. But Steve told him there were men laying down their lives for this country, and he had no right to do any less!
Because having this kind of conversation in public is a thing, an Allied German scientist by the name of Abraham Erskine overheard and decided Steve was perfect for his pet project. The project was called... dun dun dun... "Project: Rebirth".
No one in this movie is winning any award for creativity. You will see what I mean later.
So Steve got to join a special branch of the army and undergo MILITARY TRAINING. While Steve is kind of terrible at the physical parts (100 pounds when soaking wet, people), he proves to be brave and willing to lay his life for people when someone throws a (dud) grenade in the middle of training and Steve throws himself on top of it. He also shows himself to be pretty smart, because he is the only one who figures out the best way to get a flag down from a pole: bring the fucking pole down, people. It is like the scene in Mulan with the arrow, only there is no cool montage music. IN THE END, Steve is chosen as the perfect first candidate for Erskine's project. Also he has on and off chemistry with the English officer Peggy Carter, but that's only another depressing part of this movie.
Steve gets thrown into a machine of Erskine's and Howard Stark's (father of Tony Stark, who would later become fucking Iron Man, do I need to say more) design, pumped full of magical serum and then when he got out he was 6 foot tall and super buff.
I don't know
how he became
taller.
Anyway, while Steve is now made of superpowers, some douchebag from NAZI GERMANY who had infiltrated the demonstration of Steve's before/after makeover kills Dr Erskine. Steve is a sad muscled bunny in snow. He runs after the guy and does a bunch of completely ridiculous feats, like KEEP UP WITH A CAR BY RUNNING?? And defend civilians/himself with a taxi door as if it is a shield. It is all very ridiculous. He gets to the guy, the guy kills himself via cyanide pill, but hey! They got a nice incredibly unlikely to exist in the 1940s submarine and a note that there's a subpart of nazi germany named "Hydra" who did this out of it!
Oh yeah also Steve is told fuck you you don't get to join the army because I says so. But then he gets a promotion to CAPTAIN (by like a senator or some shit, US politics what do I know about you, nothing)!
Then he is used for propaganda and travels the US while dressed like an absolute moron. He is called Captain America, and the kids love him! He tours all over America with scantily dressed girls while fake punching a fake Hitler! He sells a shitload of bonds! He
hates
this job.
Then he is paraded to the armed forces in Europe, where he is met with the most deadpan of crowds and he learns that Bucky AND his troops have been either killed or kidnapped by THOSE DIRTY GERMANS.
And so like any sane person, Steve convinces Peggy to bring him close enough to the base they know Bucky & co were taken. She and Howard Stark bring him there because they are also insane and think he is going to succeed?
But then he does and comes back with like a bajillion soldiers who were all stuck there. Also while on that trip he met the leader of Hydra, the RED SKULL.
His face looks like a red skull.
There is no creativity. None.
Anyway, Steve gains RESPECT! He uses this respect to get himself a cool shield made (thanks Stark). This one has the capacity to rebound all energy, because science fiction material fuck you. He also uses this respect (and the intel he gathered while blowing up that Hydra's base, ha ha) to handpick a few trustworthy soldiers and uses them to blow up all of Hydra's bases. Red Skull is like CURSE YOU, CAPTAIN AMERICA while this is going on. And keeps killing his own soldiers. How does that guy have any followers, I do not know.
BUT THEN. BUCKY DIES A DISNEY DEATH (he fell) TO SAVE CAPTAIN AMERICA IN ONE OF THEIR MISSIONS.
Steve Rogers learns he can't get drunk thanks to his metabolism, and so goes fuck you okay he can't even mourn his best friend PEGGY WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK, WHAT THE FUCK IS FONDUE.
That was a joke so I'm not explaining it.
Anyway, blablabla skip to the LAST BATTLE AGAINST HYDRA. Steve's last struggle against Red Skull happens IN THE SKY, because why the fuck not. The plane is fucked up beyond belief during their fight, and then Red Skull dies/disappears?? by picking up the Tesseract, a mysterious powerful artifact allegedly forged by the Asgardians. Asgardians being a race of aliens who inspired the Norse Gods. Anyway, he had been using it to make INCREDIBLY POWERFUL WEAPONS. So it is hilarious that he got blown up/spirited away by it. Of course, not all is well that ends well: Steve is stuck in an airplane with bombs going straight to New York that he can't stop! So Steve crash-lands the jet into Antarctica before it could destroy cities around the world, which leaves him a capsicle for 70 years.
During the crash he'd agreed to a date with Peggy one week from then. I THINK HE MISSED THAT DATE. Everything is depressing.
Anyway, 70 years after his crash-landing in the frozen depths of seriously, Steve, aim for the ocean next time you dumb fuck, Captain America wakes up in an area that looks exactly like the 1940s. Steve sees through it because the radio was playing a recording of a baseball game he had actually been in the stands for two years prior to him being flashfrozen. God, do your research, assholes. Anyway, Steve runs out in a rage/panic and gets out in MODERN NEW YORK.
His face is exactly the face of someone who has no idea whatsoever what's going on.
Steve is then met in the streets of Manhattan by Nick Fury, the head of SHIELD, a secret government organization that takes care of minor things like world crisis and superheroes. Fury tells him they'd wanted to break it to him slowly. They found him frozen and defrosted him, but he's been sleeping for SEVENTY YEARS.
Steve's only reaction is to go "I had a date", because Steve Rogers is super good at addressing his feelings, guys.
(No, he isn't, why do you think I am apping him.)
ABOUT A WEEK LATER, Steve is sad and full of feelings and destroying punching bags as an hilarious sight gag in the middle of the night when Fury comes to see him again with a mission. Steve assumes Fury wants to ease him back into the world; Fury's goal is instead to save it.
It turns out some asshole named Loki stole the Tesseract (which SHIELD retrieved around the same time as they got Steve out since they were hanging around the same space)! Steve's reaction to hearing this is "yeah you probably should've left that at the bottom of the ocean :|". Anyway, Fury needs him and some others to retrieve it before Loki does good on his promise to declare war against humanity. Steve goes along with the mission because he is Captain America, that is jut what he does.
Steve is debriefed by another agent of SHIELD's while on his way to their headquarters; Agent Phil Coulson, who turns out to be a big fan of Captain America. In what is possibly the most hilarious scene ever, Coulson admits to having watched Steve sleep, and keeps putting his foot in his mouth. Steve takes it all pretty well though, even seems amused by it. He also learns about The Hulk; a scientist named Bruce Banner tried to replicate the effects of the super soldier serum Steve took and kind of fucked it up, instead he becomes a giant green rage monster sometimes. CLOSE ENOUGH. Bruce Banner is first and foremost a scientist and going to be on the team for mission: Loki Is An Asshole though, so, there we go.
Steve is unsure whether he is fit to lead their ragtag team, but Coulson assures him he is. And then asks for him to autograph his hilarious collection of Captain America trading cards when he has the time. Steve goes ok sure, and I weep tears because this is going to end up depressing again oh no.
Steve also learns that he gets to wear a modified version of his old uniform, since the stars and stripes
They get to the SHIELD headquarters (well, new headquarters, the old one got blown up earlier by Loki): an helicarrier. It can only be described as a motherfucking city sized helicopter. There he gets to meet both Bruce Banner (aforementioned Hulk) and Natasha Romanoff, SHIELD agent and general super spy who goes by the name of Black Widow. She is intense.
Fury tells Steve that Loki was spotted in Germany, to which Steve responds by suiting up and leaving with Natasha to put a cap in that guy's ass.
GET IT.
A CAP.
Moving on. Steve arrives just in time to stop Loki from blasting an innocent old man who just really doesn't like kneeling in front of assholes. Steve goes "hey so you know what last time I met an asshole in Germany who wanted to rule over people we ended up disagreeing" and Loki then proceeds to prove that having magic powers is cheating. Steve still lasts long enough for Tony Stark, genius playboy millionaire philanthropist, aka Iron Man and also kind of a giant asshole, to arrive on the scene and point one of his cannons at Loki before telling him to surrender if he doesn't want to be dog chow. Loki surrenders.
Having a giant armor that can fly and shoot rockets is also cheating.
While they're en route back to the Helicarrier, Steve tells Tony that Loki surrendered way too easily. Tony is like PSHAAWWWWWW I AM JUST THAT AWESOME. Meanwhile, a storm starts to brew in the sky, and Loki seems at unease because of the lightning. Steve asks the douchegod if he's scared of a little lightning? Loki says he is not fond of what comes AFTER the lightning.
CUE: THOR, GOD OF THUNDER, NAMER OF THIS SHIP and Loki's brother. Meaning he is also an Asgardian. whee, aliens.
Thor goes in, grabs Loki, and goes out! Tony follows while totally ignoring Steve's WE SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE AN ATTACK PLAN, because Tony is kind of a douchebag like that. Steve follows them, ignoring Natasha's warning that these guys are kind of gods, and he would be better off staying in. Steve just says that there is only one God and he doesn't dress like that before stepping out.
Steve is old-fashioned to the max.
Steve arrives in the middle of the Thor vs Tony fight (Loki is stuck on a mountain and kind of cheering for both to kill each other) and gets in between them with his shield and tries to use REASON to make both parties see they shouldn't be fighting each other in the first place. (I mean, everyone's against Loki.) It turns out reason is NOT EFFECTIVE AT ALL, and Thor doesn't take kindly to being told to put down his precious hammer. He brings it down on Cap's head.
LUCKILY, CAP HAS A MAGICAL (scientific) SHIELD! The reverberation kind of flatten the forest though. The three geniuses (SARCASM!!!!) look at the damage to the countryside and decide that they should probably stop fighting now.
They thus escort Loki to the helicarrier, where he proceeds to make rape faces at Bruce Banner before being locked into a steel cage made to be able to contain the Hulk. After watching Fury have a talk with Loki, Steve is more convinced than ever that Loki is hiding something and he allowed himself to be captured. Thor explains that Loki allied himself with an alien race called the Chitauri who are going to help him conquer and rule over Earth in exchange for the Tesseract. As everyone else tries to to figure out what the fuck Loki's deal is, Tony makes his entrance on the bridge and babbles scientific terms that confuses everyone but Banner. In normal people terms, though: Loki needs a stable power source to make the portal work. Because the Tesseract is a portal? Apparently.
Anyway, Fury tells Tony to stop being a snark machine and go work with Bruce to locate the Tesseract. Steve walks in on them working together, or rather on Tony being a dick and trying to make Banner "Hulk out". Steve calls him out on it, Banner says it's fine, Tony keeps snarking, they argue, and then both scientists admit they think Fury is hiding something. Steve starts having doubts himself, and goes to INVESTIGATE. He finds out SHIELD wants to use the Tesseract to create WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION (or, okay, mostly weapons), just like Hydra did back in the day. Steve is not amused.
Natasha went to see Bruce after finding out through SPY METHODS that Loki planned to use him somehow; unfortunately she got there at the same time as every one was exploding in feelings of EVERYONE ON THIS PLANE IS AN ASSHOLE. Steve calls out Fury, Tony calls out Fury, Fury calls out Thor, Steve and Tony start to argue, Banner calls out everyone, Natasha says they're all morons, Thor is like fuck humans, and it turns out Loki is kind of heightening emotions at a distance with his magic staff locked in the same room as the asshole party. They're all suddenly distracted when they see that the Science Bros (Tony and Bruce) have located the Tesseract!
It is aboard the ship that just shot at them, haha, woops.
Tony and Steve stop their inane bickering immediately, going to suit up to work together to fix the damage on the helicarrier/fight the people who are boarding them like sky pirates, what the fuck. (Meanwhile, Natasha is having a bad day while fighting the Hulk until Thor arrives, and then she sees Clint Barton aka Hawkeye, a SHIELD agent Loki had managed to turn evil with his magic staff, and proceeds to kick him in the face until he stops being evil.)
The Hulk and Thor get thrown off the ship, Coulson dies fighting Loki, and in general EVERYTHING SUCKS. Fury tells them on top of dying Coulson was carrying his special Captain America cards and they are now full of blood, would you look at that. Then he tells them about the Avengers Initiative, and how it was supposed to be about a group of talented people banding together to save the day. Coulson died believing in that idea.
Tony has feelings about this. Steve and Tony get to talking ("Is this the first time you lost a soldier?"-Steve "We're NOT soldiers!"-Tony) and after deciding that they are going to keep fighting, though not for Fury because fuck that guy, Tony realizes exactly where Loki is hiding. Steve grabs Natasha and Hawkeye, who are all for kicking ass and taking names especially if it's Loki. They hijack a ship and leave!
Thor rejoins them at some point while there is an alien invasion in New York because why would it not be in New York. Tony opens the floor for Steve to strategize and they all get to work on destroying aliens. But then a GIANT ASS ALIEN comes out and they're all like "oh crap" and then Bruce comes back in a ridiculous scooter and Tony is like oh hey tell him to suit up too and Steve is like :? and Bruce is like yeah I can hulk out whenever PSYCHE ASSHOLES and they get to smashing.
Steve gets to save a bunch of civilians' life as he fights aliens.
BLABLABLA, EVERYONE IS AWESOME FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT, LOKI GETS HIS ASS KICKED ON MULTIPLE LEVELS, then they throw a nuke at new york because fuck you, government, TONY GRABS THE NUKE AND SENDS IT OFF AT THE ALIEN PORTAL, NATASHA CLOSES IT BECAUSE SHE IS BOSS LIKE THAT, AND THEN TONY IS LIKE, DEAD, BUT THEN THE HULK IS LIKE F U NO AND SO TONY ISN'T DEAD, AND HE JUST WANTS TO GET SHAWARMA, GUYS, GOD, LET'S JUST GET SHAWARMA.
Everyone is happy and they won o3o!!!
(They do go get Shawarma.)
In the end the Avengers go their own ways, Thor back to his home world with Loki in a muzzle (ahahaha), Captain America on his motorcycle, Bruce and Tony riding off in the sunset, Natasha and Clint just like whatever yo, but if the world needs them...
Captain America only has to say two words.
Avengers: Assemble.
~FIN~
oh my god am i done yet no? okay
STEVE ROGERS is noble and honest and doesn't like injustice and abuse of power. He is kind and courageous and ~inspiring~, and to be perfectly honest he can kind of be Preachy McPreachPreach. But there you go: Steve Rogers is all noble deeds and strong beliefs, with a bit of goofy and shy still leftover from his pre-awesome body days. Steve is a selfless and prone to self-effacing himself, kind of generally quiet. Whiiiich is part of why he didn't get along with Tony at first, they are like polar opposites in some ways. Steve Rogers has IDEALS and BELIEFS and is kind of pigheaded about them sometimes. Like I said: preachy mcpreachpreach. But overall he is a kind and courageous guy who wants to protect the defenceless, so his heart is in the right place.
That doesn't make him any less capable of assholery, though. Also he kind of sucks at addressing feelings. MAN FROM THE 1940s AND ALL. Ha ha. Ha.
fuck me and my character types
Have you read up on how the game works?: Steve is going to be confused by the FlamingFerret and the guide in general, but refuse to mooch off of Stark or steal, so he is going to GET A JOB. And/or sell his body on the streets. I mean, what? What. What.
1st person sample: [the feed starting only serves to startle Steve, because he sucks like that]
Is it on?
[steve plz
he coughs a bit and then takes a deep breath, trying to look SERIOUS and PROFESSIONAL and not at all overwhelmed nope not him nope]
My name is Captain Steve Rogers, US Armed Forces. [...does anyone know the us welp it's not like Steve can be the only one from Earth left that would be
[there. that's subtle enough that people won't think he doesn't believe it, so if they are like prisoners or something it'll be ... more... subtle god what is his life]
Other than that, if anyone ever requires assistance in any way-- feel free to call on me.
[that should be fine, right? ... he probably should've planned a speech before trying to figure out how this thing worked. oh well
god fucking damn it how does this thing close
the feed stops after like five minutes of Steve playing with buttons.
FUCK YOU, TECHNOLOGY!!!]
3rd person sample: Steve has got to stop falling asleep.
His first thought when he woke up on this ship was that he'd been frozen again, only this time for a much longer amount of time. But then it turned out that it was worse than that: he was in space, under the excuse that Earth had been 'destroyed'.
Steve has some trouble believing that, mostly because he thinks he would've at least woken up if something that drastic happened. He's slept through enough fighting those seventy years he was frozen; it's unthinkable that he'd sleep through more. On top of that, Earth has other guardians now. People Steve has met and trusts, just as much as he'd trusted--
Well. Steve just hopes they aren't dead, too.
Earth gone or not, Steve knows he's here for a reason. For that reason, he's glad he has the Captain America suit and shield with him.
Whether some worlds have been destroyed, or aliens have decided on mass kidnapping, Steve knows only one thing: it doesn't matter where he is, or who the others are. Steve Rogers is going to save (help, if it comes to that) each and every last one of them.
Questions?: Why would anyone let a Canadian app Captain America???
Did you put your characters name and fandom in the subject: yes.
